Thankful....I think

When unpleasant or terrible things happen to you it sure is hard to see the positive of it all. It's hard to see the pain ever ending, or life taking a turn for the better. Sometimes things happen for a reason but it sure seems unfair at the time for life dealing you such a crappy hand. I always hated when people would say, "I'm so blessed to have these trials". Maybe after it is all over and done with you can look back and say, "Wow, I survived. Look at how much stronger I am. Look at how much I have learned and grown." But when you're going through a trial are you really thankful and happy about it? I know I for one have a pity party every so often and think "Why me?!" Having a good cry sure does make you feel better!

I know looking back on the past few years of my life I think of all the mistakes I have made, all the stupid decisions or wrong choices I chose. I also remember the good things I have done, and the right decisions I made. Life is never easy and it's up to us the direction our life will take. Sure I have regrets. I still have crappy, miserable days where I'd rather lie in bed all day and not have to deal with other people, where talking to anyone about anything makes me want to cry. But I also have those days when I'm the happiest I've ever been, where I'm so grateful and optimistic about where my life is taking me and I'm looking forward to all the new and exciting things life has in store for me.

I've been through Hell and back (possibly a few times) and I know the happiness you can miss out on, the total despair and physical ache you can experience. I'm not happy having the memories of a sad life, remembering the pain and sorrow I felt and still do at times, but I can at least look forward to making and choosing a better life for myself. I know I will still make mistakes and fall down quite a bit, but I know I can get back up, dust myself off, and I'll be that much stronger and more determined.